My Full Moon Circle Vulnerable Share....
I don’t know about you or if it’s just me with the full moon big and bright illuminating my first house and my sense of self this month.
But this week and I don’t know if you have felt it on my stories. I’ve been celebrating my milestones. My journey. Sometimes, worrying I am over sharing am I too much but deep down my intention fuelled by this passion of wanting others to really go for things they want in life and learn more about themselves in this journey we call life.
Last night in circle, we chatted like we always chat but today was different we chatted around home made kombucha and we all got given home made scbooies to take home. By one of beautiful member. We got taught what to do and how to share it. It was like a little bit of her home energy was gifted through us all last night as we all took our jar of Scoobies under our arms to car park.
My heart felt full. As we chatted like we do, I mean like proper chat, deep conversation exchanges so exciting you get onto the next topic and the next one, our aha moments, wins, things where we are feeling lost and just gaining clarity.
Someone said I listened to your podcast and I answered in full flow of conversation. As the words flowed so did the emotions I burst into tears. As I hesitated about holding back this is their circle, they don’t want to see you crying I paused my inner critic.
Then I vulnerably shared how today I had an aha moment of how much I held back the last few months. It made me feel sad and at the beginning of the year I felt so inspired on my instagram and social media presence through my work to share more of me.
Yet on my way through this transformative process of finding my groove with my throat chakra. I felt stopped in my tracks by an incident that I wasn’t anticipating. How I felt so sad I had given up in so many ways, tried to fit myself back in a box again, to do the right thing feeling scared of the constant harassment, bullying and defamation I was receiving on and offline with no way of being able to talk about it with police investigations taking place.
That maybe by being myself I might hurt someone and not knowing the control of the narrative that was being shared about me I just felt so rejected and abandoned.
My biggest fear. But, the breakthrough came through this week in rejecting my voice, my words, my story in the fear of rejection.
I rejected the full expression of myself and in turn I rejected the love and connection I would be met with by everyone around one.
I felt stupid and weighed down so many times this year. Ashamed of where I had found myself. Guilty for my part in its creation. Confused at how I could be so silly to find myself harassed and utterly abused and attacked on so many levels.
Yet as I cried and let my full broken self be seen through watering eyes I could see arms of embrace and sisters shoulder by shoulder gathered round me and they held me up.
Then as we pulled apart, another vulnerable share. Another beautiful soul. Another beautiful moment.
Another circle just us, no judgement, no fear, no shame and just like that I felt safe in sisterhood again.
Today I have awoken with a new found confidence in my voice again, deeper acceptance and love of myself all through the same sisterhood circle I created but equally last night I saw the power that connection goes greater and beyond me through those that participate each month.
Thank you community for seeing and hearing me.
I love you more than you will ever know.
Stevie
xxxx
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